Friday, October 7, 2011

Pity Party Principles

A friend liked yesterday's post about staying open for new ways to worry.  She called what I wrote "sarcastic" but I was actually writing about deliberately looking at what makes a person worry.  

I think when I worry that my team won't make it to the finals, I am usually hoping they do make it.  In other words, I think my worries are often related to my desires.  If I have already placed too much money in a bet on my team, I may fear a negative result and its consequences.  Being in severe poverty, or caught in illegal gambling or having my reputation damaged by friends or the public knowing I made such a bet, that I engage in such activities - all might be too dreadful to think about.  

If things do take a bad turn and I have loss or pain, I can try to buck up and be brave.  There are indeed times when the dark side is discovered to have more light than I imagined it would.  Or, I can hold a "pity party" for myself and genuinely and deliberately try to stay very focused on the negative, the boring, the costly mess that I myself, or nasty fate, or a rotten scoundrel, or the government has let fall on me.  Many highly competent people will try simply keeping a stiff upper lip, soldiering on, marching forward.  

But part of me might disagree with attempts to be brave.  Sometimes, I just can't lift myself by my bootstraps.  At those times, I may need some mothering or some sistering.  If Mom and Sister are not available or I don't want them to be, I may have to nurture myself.  I may have to listen to myself carefully and fully.  I may need to give myself some sort of a treat.  At the least, I may need to extend sympathy and tenderness toward myself.

After that, it might be time for a plan.  Pencil, paper and thinking: when, who, how?  Once I have a sort of direction, I will develop some enthusiasm.  I will have more momentum, more energy.  I don't need to do everything at once but if I can see which way to go, if I can see some progress, even a little toward a next step or a new phase, I'll be renewed.
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
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