Daniel Kahneman's "Thinking: Fast and Slow" is still a title that also serves as a good mnemonic: our basic emotional reaction system is fast but rough. Our more careful thinking abilities are slower but more subtle and fine-grained. I have noticed that my initial reaction, which can be lightning quick and strongly flavored is often quite different from how I feel just a little later. I am still intrigued by Jill Bolte Taylor's idea of 90 seconds being the right period for a neural circuit to run its course and complete its job of alerting and raising alarm or other strong reaction.
Yesterday, a couple accidentally locked their keys inside their car. Mrs. yelled at Mr. "Why did you close the door?" I couldn't hear Mr.'s reply but their faces showed they were upset. Within about a minute, the immediate reaction to the irritating situation had run its course and their faces showed the changes: more willingness to act, more thinking and less blame, irritation and fear.
Many people who support better mental habits suggest focusing on observation of a difficulty, whether it is low-heat such as boredom or high-heat such as anger. Seeing and feeling the exact feelings and mental scenes involved, taking a moment to describe, maybe just to oneself, what one sees and feels, helps to create a pause. With a little distance inserted between me and the negative, whatever it is, my mind changes all by itself. I notice this with hunger. I can get a flash of appetite and then, five minutes later, I remember the flash but I am feeling at that moment no hunger.
I am listening to "Practicing Mindfulness", a Great Course by Prof. Mark Muesse. He advises to sit with a difficulty or irritant and pay attention to it. What do the feelings it creates actually feel like? What associations or scenes come to mind? Once I can manage to do so, it is fun to ask myself what benefits are hidden in this negative. There is almost always at least the benefit of getting a chance to practice handling a negative fully but without judgment. With a little thought, other benefits and gifts may be noticed. In some cases, the benefits are there, recognized or not. Other benefits may depend on being noticed if they are not to expire or slide by quietly unused.
Practicing a pause before accepting a reaction can pay off beautifully.
--
Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
