We see remarks comparing the stress of women worrying about their appearance with the self-satisfaction of men whose prime time of attractiveness was several decades ago. Sometimes, one hears that men grow more attractive as they age but that things are different for women. As a man working on his 8th decade, I can tell you that many younger women seem child-like while women 60 and older seem beautiful.
One can find pictures of large bellies, even very large bellies, sagging but overly-ample love handles, sagging shoulders, flabby biceps and quads on men strolling along a beach in a tiny and fully revealing Speedo bathing suit. The men seem unashamed, maybe proud of their bodies, while their wives and lovers are more willing to confess to doubts and shame over their wrinkles and extra pounds. At the same time, the wives and lovers spend far more time and effort on their appearance and dress, are more engaged in beautifying themselves and know more about doing so than any male of any age.
I am here to inform anyone interested that the super-perfect skin I see on many young women looks to my older eyes, surreal, overly perfect, untried, unused, unripe. The same goes for youthful voices, youthful hopes and fears, youthful interests.
AARP reported a survey that on 12% of American women reported being satisfied with their bodies. I used to wonder about the difference between the male and female situations regarding appearance and attractiveness. Like many Americans, I more or less started from a stance of seeking equality or maybe reciprocity between the genders. But the more I watch, listen and think, the more clearly I see that nature, a very strong, powerful and relentless force operates behind all this. Biology has implanted markers in our brains and bodies that we overlook or discount only with great effort. And these forces and markers differ between the sexes.
The two genders may actually get to be more similar in their later decades but there are still very deeply buried forces and memories in both that come into play. The sign for female in some sciences is a mirror, which strikes me as appropriate since whether we like it or not, we are preprogrammed to appreciate the beauty of a female face in a way and to a depth that females do not appreciate a male face. The female is a gift to the male in a way that he is not a gift to her, especially initially. She is more likely to gauge his ardor, an indicator of her security with him and of her power over him, than he is to gauge hers. He is more likely to assume that because he is bigger and stronger than she is, that the depth of her ardor is irrelevant. He wants to possess her, yes, keep her in his tower. He will strive,often mightily, to keep her happy there but that is after he gets the deed to her.
She knows that her shape, her hair, her voice, her compliance attract and bewitch him in a way that those parts of him do not affect her. So, naturally, if her hair loses its sheen and shade, her voice and shape change, what will she have? Again, older males can see beauty, charm and magnetic pull where younger males do not. Older males can see the biological markers that electrify their sons and grandsons but they have a diminished effect personally.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
