A basic rule for living things is "Live, stay alive". But basic rules can take many forms and occur in many situations, especially after a long life. I'm just writing today to mention some of the modifications I seem to have found.
A friend lost a pet to death and said,"When you live alone, your pet can be everything." I wasn't close to the pet but I realized it would be rude to say "Death comes to all. Just forget about it." I looked up supporting a grieving friend and found this: https://getpocket.com/read/1956390835 I think males like me have both a natural tendency to shy away from deep and sustained negative emotions and a feeling that it isn't "manly" to be upset or noticeably afraid. I have been wondering if people like some women have a better way. They seem to take in more of the misery and be more miserable but I wonder if being that way leaves less fear or other baggage behind. I did know that it is not helpful to say "Don't feel that way" or "You'll get over it."
A husband and father is dying. I heard that he asked,"Is this going to take a long time?" My reaction is similar. I don't want unpleasantness or pain. It seems as though death and increasing disability and limitations could take a very long, drawn-out time. I read quite a few years ago about a way to die on purpose and to do so rather neatly, without a big mess. I don't know enough about the physics of dying to know if taking many sleeping pills and taping a plastic bag over my head would be effective or not. I can imagine doing more harm and causing more trouble while trying to die but failing to do so. One friend said that he envisioned going to the back yard, leaning against a tree and firing a shotgun in his mouth. His idea was that the resultant mess would be quick and easy to clean up.
Another friend's husband has been officially in hospice more than once. She seems devoted to his comfort and quality of life, but her life is mostly about caring for him. I can imagine being torn between such care and fatigue and resentment.
