There is plenty of verbal and non-verbal aggression today. Much of that comes from men but not all. Often, the basic idea is "accept my ideas, my descriptions and my orders, or I will hurt you and yours." The impulse to use tough language and to advance the level of threat is probably basically animal and lies rather deep in us, especially for those of us that are male. It seems that if we can find a common ground between us, we can get more done and have more fun doing it.
I taught educational psychology for years. It was an undergraduate course for those preparing to teach, usually in American public schools in the grades of kindergarten thru high school. Pre-teachers differ widely in their personality, their convictions, plus their school subjects put different demands on the teacher and offer a variety of situations involving instruction and practice. Over the nearly 40 years, I got the impression that one of the most valuable things I taught, I learned from our textbook "Teacher Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon.
That training is divided into three parts and the first part is the most valuable. Gordon calls the first part "Active listening" and it involves listening with the active purpose of learning what the speaker is saying and then repeating it back, not in verbatim form, to that speaker. Showing an interest in learning clearly what the speaker is saying sometimes quickly reduces the level of aggravation or irritation the speaker is feeling. When it is clear to you that I am trying to learn your message, you will often feel less like attacking and more like explaining. Quite often, by the time I have finished showing you I understand what you have said, when you hear someone else say your message, you have an immediate wish to modify that message.
