I know that some of my feelings are wrong. Somehow, I made a mistake in developing feelings. The emotions I have come out wrong. I know they are wrong because others tell me they are incorrect and that I need to have different feelings. Take peanut butter, for example. I like smooth and I am not much in favor of crunchy. The people I admire and look up to like crunchy. They say it is more peanut-buttery than smooth. I don't want to argue or be persuaded and neither do they.
They like crunchy and they can't believe that anyone as intelligent and congenial as I am could hold an opinion so clearly inferior to theirs. These loveable friends look at me tenderly and they offer some crunch peanut butter on a cracker with a warm and encouraging smile. They seem confident that if they are warm and friendly and I am open and willing, I will taste the superiority in that better version. Before I lose my temper and tell them off, I do try. I do taste that crunchy and it isn't bad. I mean if I could never have smooth peanut butter again, I could, yes, survive with crunchy peanut butter. But honest to Heaven, those little crunchies are irritating. They really seem to interfere with the complete taste of the "butter."
I have been warned that I am going to be ostracized or assaulted, that I cannot expect to have true friendships unless I develop different feelings. I am not sure if there is something wrong with my taste buds or if I just don't see the superiority in crunchy. I may never be admirable or accepted but I can't stop feeling that crunchy is the wrong way to go. All those little bits! You can't have a smooth layer of peanut butter with those little chunks in there!
Once in a while, I try to launch a counter offensive, without being actually offensive, I mean. I offer a cracker of my own, with that nice creamy smooth peanut butter, uninterrupted by chunks, luscious wave of pure nut butter. I offer my stuff with a warm smile, just like they did. But they don't seem to notice. If they don't see chunks littering the smooth surface, they immediately frown. I have got to develop new feelings!
