Over time, I developed the idea that I wanted to write in this blog about my thoughts. I realized that
Thoughts are silent and need words chosen for them if they are going to be communicated, criticized, understood, compared
Mindfulness practice improves sensitivity to fast thoughts that might not be taken note of and to feelings that take a bit of work to grasp and characterize for what they are. It is true that many feelings are short-lived and not worth nursing along. But it can still be helpful to know what one's feelings are.
Talking, listening, writing and reading are all physical. It is easier to see that
talking and writing are physical but I learned a lesson when I got all excited by a book that said "Words can change your brain." Later, I realized that I knew they could all along. Picture the typical pose
Sure, many records and enactments of a marriage proposal show the woman excited, even shouting or screaming, when a man just takes the position shown but hasn't said a word. But we know that both the man and the woman will be very changed as soon as she answers the question "Will you marry me?"
I have mentioned the book "Maybe You Should Talk to Somebody" by Lori Gottlieb, a non-fiction book about a therapist, her clients and her conversations with her own therapist. Therapy of that sort is often called "talk therapy". Since we have a feeling that talk is cheap and since we are so action-oriented and focused on results, it is easy to underestimate the power of speaking and writing.
From my blog of October 28, 2013
One of the most intriguing things I have read lately is the comment from Julia Sweeney that she learned from Kelly McGonigal's book "The Willpower Instinct", that self talk is received internally much as talk from others is. So if I tell myself that I am too flighty, the comment gets handled by my internal processing much as the same comment would be if you told me that.
One of the reasons that gets my attention is that I had just noticed a day or two earlier that when I tell myself something, say, "That shoelace is too loose. Re-tie it", the command feels like one that comes from the boss or my parent or some authority I obey.
I can sense the shoelace looseness and the need to retie it but giving myself a clear-cut directive feels more focused and more powerful. Of course, it is possible that I wait until I am actually ready to act before delivering the direction to do so. One implication from this idea is that negative comments from me to me carry weight. If I am trying to train myself to be both less flighty and more accepting of my personality, making impolite negative comments will not help the project.
It does seem that self-talk matters and that there is an actual difference between what I plan to say to myself and actually saying it, whether silently in my head or aloud using my voice. This idea seems to relate to the notable excitement an experienced teacher like Cheri Huber found when her students and clients employed tape recorders (or the free iPad apps that record) to give themselves advice and encouragement. They said to her that listening to what they had recorded was extremely helpful. That procedure is a little different from the usual meaning of self talk but Huber has found it to be very powerful.
