I have read about self love but that seems too strong. I like myself and I seem to be permanently connected to myself but I can't say that I love myself. I have read about self compassion but that seems a little too distant, clinical and Eastern. Still, over the past few months, I have paid more attention to what I have thought, what I have felt, and what I have noticed.
I have tried to apply the same standards I would in considering someone else. I think that approach has been helpful. If I knew another person as well as I know what I have been thinking, trying, wanting, I would certainly think that person was being a sensible, likeable, friendly, valuable person.
It seems much easier and less egotistical if I try to think of what I know of myself as applying to someone else of my age and gender. I do see that I can explode negative streams at myself at the slightest provocation. I am not sure but it nearly always feels like when I yell at myself, I basically don't mean what I say.
Having practiced meditation and relaxation for more than 20 years, and having read many books and articles about the subjects, I seem to be able to sense various levels of intensity and commitment in myself. It certainly may be that I know only what anyone knows, but I think I know my feelings. I think I face my thoughts, fears and desires full on.
I seem to have different results in self examination and self communication when I simply stop and take note of my feelings of all kinds, as opposed to when I fully internally verbalize in actual sentences and questions. When I think of explicit questions and comments I would make to another person about myself, I can tell what I might say in response. Those responses, in turn, often lead me on to further thoughts. It seems easy to be too hard or dismissive about my steadiness or my motives. It helps to keep in mind that I don't know the future, not even five minutes ahead, and that a decision that it might be good to do X can turn to be mistaken. So, just because I abandon a task or a path does not mean I wasn't really trying when I began.
My efforts to extend at least normal kindness and tolerance to myself have given me a new respect for my own quality and effort.
