I wrote my dissertation on a possible application of decision theory to education. My idea was to test various theoretical approaches with what experienced principals said they would do in a given challenging situation. The approaches were different ways of handling value and probability estimates made by the principals. That was a long time ago and, as far as I know, very little of the paper and ideas were later used by anybody, including me.
I am still reading "Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy or How Love Conquered Marriage" by Prof. Stephanie Coontz. She writes,"When people try to figure out their best shot at a stable, happy marriage…" Those words brought to mind the work I did on my dissertation vs. participating in my marriage. Today is our 55th wedding anniversary and I have enjoying and working on a marriage on my mind.
Marriage, parenting, teaching and administering a school are all situations filled with important but poorly defined questions, decisions and problems. They are not neat, clearly defined questions with a small set of clear alternatives. Prof. Coontz makes clear that the variety of expectations among just the Americans as to what marriage should be and how to have the appropriate state in a marriage is increasing. It was probably always a doubtful thing to prescribe steps for all marriages without taking into account personalities, temperaments, histories, perspectives but it becomes more doubtful now.
What seems to pay off in my life is both use of explicit and careful analysis AND knowing and following one's heartfelt feelings. About 3 years after we were married, I was teaching 5th grade and Lynn was home minding our two girls. Cooking, cleaning, mothering, shopping for food and other things were her domain. I thought my teaching balanced that but some rough estimates and analysis showed she had 8 hours a week free and I had 54. The analysis convinced me that my contribution was out of whack.
Once in Quebec City, we had both had it with our bickering. It was only sensible to agree to a divorce. We made the agreement and immediately felt terrible. After a couple of hours, we confessed to each other that we felt totally terrible about losing each other. We scratched the divorce agreement and haven't brought up the topic since.
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