Typically, our disagreements are about the future. I think the beach would be more fun but X thinks the mountains would be. We can try to arrive at a mutually acceptable plan in many ways.
The last time we went anywhere, we wound up doing what X wanted, so it is my turn.
We can list the pros and cons of the two possibilities, assign point values to each pro and con and add the points for the two choices. We can go to the destination with the most points. We can do lists separately and compare them or make just one together.
X can start to frown and pout and since I love X, I forego my choice in favor of X’s.
I can complain and basically try to out-negative X so that fatigue and my whining combine to overwhelm and tire X to the point that I get my way.
We could flip a coin. (I used to have a coin-shaped token with such a raised face on one side that I could instantly tell with my fingers which side was which and make the toss look honest when it wasn’t. I enjoyed the idea of being able to get my way but I never used the token. Honest!)
Either one of us can martyr-out, explaining our big heart, Christian motivation and great love and respect for the other, loudly giving in, just the sake of peace and a smile of success on the other’s face.
I can draw on my teenage strengths, sag my shoulders, emphatically state “Whatever!” and succumb to X’s desired plan. This method requires enough sulking strength to keep a steady but noticeable sulk for the entire event.
There are times when I feel only a weak desire for my choice and a stronger interest in doing whatever X chooses. I may feel love for X but I may also be genuinely aware of times in the past when X’s choice was lots more fun than I thought it would be.
Such needs for a choice can arrive when X = my wife or a friend or a relative. There are even times when X = one part of me while another part tugs in a different direction.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
