Sometimes in either real life, or books and films, a woman says that she appreciates the castle her guy is giving her but she would still like to hear him say aloud that he loves her. When I have heard something like that, I used to feel it was silly. What? A castle isn't good enough but a few bits of breath are?
But I have come to honor self-chosen, self-constructed speech as maybe the most immediate and direct viewer others have of the genuine inner person. Sure, we can all fake it and say "I care" when we don't really, but gestures and gifts can be more distant from the heart. I guess it is the timing of when the words are spoken as well as the tones and inflection used that help to make the spoken word a more genuine message.
I heard that a man from another culture answered his cellphone right during his own wedding ceremony. Very possibly, no type of tone would convince others that he was moved and excited if he spoke marriage vows right after finishing that call. There are some ways of acting during speaking that are characteristic of people with autism that will affect others' perception of their sincerity. From them, we can see the importance of looking at the person when speaking.
Not much of traditional American schooling is devoted to speaking and skills involved in speaking. More attention has been given to reading, writing and basic arithmetic. Yet, spoken words are a very fundamental tool in all human activities. I suspect that the best way to improve one's delivery of spoken words is to speak frequently and pay attention to different ways of speaking.
People often assume that the older we are, the less we can hear spoken words. Such an assumption is only partly correct. It seems that our acuity, our ability to know when, or that, someone is speaking doesn't fall so much as our ability to decode spoken words into meaning. It is as though our decoder needs new batteries. I often know when someone has spoken but it feels as though the words flew by too quickly for me to grasp their meaning.
It seems sad to me that so many pictures of the best sort of manhood include strong limits on spoken words. Many versions of 'real' men involve not speaking very often and uttering only short utterances when actually speaking. The picture is often supposed to show a man that doesn't rely on words much, but instead, acts. The difficulty with that stance is that many things that matter are better spoken than acted.
Both high-level knights of old and similarly high-level samurai of Japan were urged to develop the ability to write well and speak well. Being well spoken in romantic situations and as well as at the dinner table and in social gatherings was part of the picture of the well-educated man, regardless of what Rambo thinks. Further, the greatest happiness over the greatest number of years comes from getting and giving lovely spoken words.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
