I watched as the pallbearers struggled to carry the extra-heavy coffin down the steep stone steps to the hearse. They couldn't manage and the coffin tumbled down the stairs and opened at the bottom, with the body of the man having the funeral still inside but the body of a woman had rolled out beside the whole mess. It was only a tv show, after all, but the clash between the solemnity of such an occasion and the surprise that the coffin housed two bodies was a shock.
I started wondering whether seeing the humor in the situation was bad manners. There was no question that the dead man's family was not amused. His widow was especially unhappy with the SOB. (Turned out he had been working on a case involving the woman but had not been her lover, although it took a while for that truth to emerge and for the shocked wife to learn and believe it.) I watched the episode a 2nd time with a man I have known for more than 30 years, a guy I know to be extra-able to sympathize and empathize with others. He thought the whole thing was hilarious, just as I had.
Maybe being clear-eyed about life and the ins and outs of our customs and feelings is ok. I have a suspicion that many women are more perceptive and flexible at seeing how another is feeling and tuning into that feeling, and expressing that feeling, maybe even actually feeling that feeling, at least enough to express it convincingly and soothingly. I realize that the matter is the same as visiting a foreign land, where some custom or practice means a great deal to the locals but not much to me. It helps in such cases to practice the practice as the natives do, or close to it. It doesn't seem important to me but I am a visitor and unschooled in their ways.
Meditation and Zen thinking definitely help me see life clearly and far more enjoyably than only living with personal or social glasses on. In addition, one advantage of my brain being slower is that, in the time it takes for me to perceive a situation and also read the reactions of others, I can find self-control. Sometimes, I am able to see humor, irony and also see and feel different reactions others are experiencing, all at the same time.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
