C.S.Lewis's "The Four Loves" lists affection, friendship, eros and charity or agape (God's love of man). When I think of affection, I think of a feeling that tends to be less intense than what I usually think of as "love". But maybe affection can be longer lasting and survive more buffeting and challenge than more intense loves. Of course, affection can grow to be very strong.
I seem to be wired to convert thoughts of love to thoughts of sex, as I guess many males are. During the courting years, it can seem as though all attraction relates to sex. However, other life experiences such as the birth of a child of one's own sex, can underline the fact that very strong love exists in many forms, not just sex-related.
I was impressed with the opening of one of Dr. Andrew Weil's books where he has written clearly and boldly
"Love = Pain"
That is the Buddha's point, too: life delivers pain but often such pain as we welcome or tolerate for the sake of love. So, one frustrating thing about love is that it brings pain from separation, as well as from actions or feelings inside, or on the part of the beloved.
But a different, more frequent frustration is simply obstacles to full expression. How can I express the full extent of my feelings? I gave her flowers, and a ring. I wrote her poems and read them to her with my best delivery. I still have a longing to bite her, to chomp on her neck, to strike her with the full force of my affection. I realize that will alienate her but what can I do? What would work?
If my feelings are for a son or grandson, flowers and a ring would be the wrong path. A manly swat on the back or pat on the shoulder is too weak to signal my deep admiration and affection. Too much expression will not be well-received and will just get me a note in his mental folder of me to stay away even more, to at least remain distant and uncommunicative.
During my high school days, I was focused on girls. I attended an all-male high school and I thought of the place as neutral in matters of affection. I was surprised at my 50th class reunion at how much affection I felt and how much I remembered when it seemed that only girls had mattered to me. The other day, I read The Writer's Almanac, a daily post of poetry and historical markers. That day's poem was an exuberant one by e.e.cummings. I started to send it to friends that I thought would like it. Again, I was surprised at the number of men I wanted to send a poem to. It was clear to me that I had strong positive feelings for as many men as I have for women but I hadn't known that. Masculine codes of behavior and probably basic neural systems as well dictate limited expressions of affection, as do social and personal rules of conduct concerning other men's wives and women one is not married to. Love can be frustrating.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
