One of the most helpful books I have read in the last few years is "Incognito" by David Eagleman. He makes clear that we really do have many urges that come from our internal design. We can override them but to do so continuously is difficult. I wouldn't be surprised if better methods of self control are invented sometime.
What surprises me is the way the internal drives emerge in our lives. What to eat and who to consider attractive are good examples. "The Hungry Brain" is a careful, considered examination of our eating choices and drives. My doctor can tell me that I would probably be healthier if I lost weight and I can raise a glass of beer in acknowledgement of the value of his advice. I can cheerfully join in drinking to my health. I can agree that beer or pretzels or chocolates are unnecessary foods right while I reach for some. When somebody asks if I hadn't said I was cutting calories, the question reminds me. Yes! I am interested in more lettuce and less tiramisu. I forgot. I didn't think. I didn't take time to think.
On those occasions when I have thought, I have a tally in the back of my mind. I have wracked up 4 lbs. of loss. Isn't it time to celebrate? After all, I don't want my life to be a drag. C'mon! One milkshake isn't going to ruin that loss.
Eagleman mentions that male frogs are quite attracted to female frogs while I am not. I didn't think much of the example at first, but the more I think about it, the more I see that in myself and in others. I am old. I don't have the physique that I did. I just looked up "old men's bodies" with Google search. I did click on "images" but row after row of photos only showed men of more years, yes, but men who looked muscular and physically capable. I admire that look. I can't help admiring it, even while I know that it is the appearance that draws admiration and mates.
It is difficult to look at older human bodies uncritically. They have lumps where they "shouldn't" and signs of weakness. The best example I know of is the Rodin sculpture called "She who was once the helmet maker's beautiful wife". As an older person, I love the work and the courage of the artist and the woman to make it. Look up the underlined words and look at the statue. Remember that a person who looks like that, not the focus of wolf whistles, is more precious to her husband and her children and her grandchildren than the lovely young woman bursting with all the signs of ripeness.
