It is not easy becoming less powerful, closer to death and/or disability, and yet more insightful all the time.
As I think about my knowledge, I realize I have far more questions than answers, far more hunches than facts or proofs. For instance, I vote, but I actually know very little about the difficulties the next elected person is likely to face nor what strengths have a high probability of helping that person make the best decision.
It is fun to see farther and know more, but those abilities reveal what a large part of my world is a myth, or a dream, or a supposition. I become steadily more accepting of the world and of myself. I am forced to do so really, both by external circumstance of aging and internal development that shows me what life is about. I become steadily better adjusted and, in a sense, more content. That means there is less and less to worry about but also less and less to care about or try to achieve.
Sometimes, I haul out my discrimination and ask if writing or exercising or reading or learning matter. I ask of this program or that book or the tv show, is this worth spending my dwindling time on? Sometimes, the answer is irrelevant. I want to do the work or thinking or watching and that is all there is to it. At other times, when I get peevish or lose some of my acceptance, I say "No" to one thing or another. It can even reach the point where I say "No" to just about every choice or possibility that I know about. I don't mind sitting in a sulk for a while, or just in neutral to see what emerges. Emergence can produce some very surprising answers and directions.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
