Eric Barker writes a blog and sends a summary of it once a week. Last week, he wrote about a man, a book and a strategy to be "Rejection Proof." The idea is to ask people for things that are far out, unlikely to be granted, and thereby get rejected over and over until being rejected doesn't hurt. At that point, the player of what is admittedly a game hopes to be so used to being rejected that another experience of being turned down doesn't hurt. The man's book is called "Rejection Proof" and the supporting notes explain how this man made himself "invulnerable." Barker cites three examples of fairly far-out requests that were granted: asking a policeman to let the man drive his patrol car, asking workers in a bakery to make specially shaped donuts, and asking at a house to play soccer in the backyard.
The notes for the book include many positive comments but the negative comment was that the book was a "gimmick" and that the man's proposal was his "schtick".
I wanted to write about the rejection game because it seemed as though it might be a good idea. But when I think of asking either friends or strangers to loan me money or give me part of their lunch or let me drive their car, I don't like the feeling I get about it.
I am very cautious about being "invulnerable", armored, impervious to wounds or pain, not able to be wounded. I am reminded of the dangers King Midas ran into once he was given the power to turn anything he touched into gold. I think that pain can be oppressive and destructive but it can also be very helpful. The pain of being rejected might be due to our sensitivity of asking something of someone that would put the person in danger, physically, financially, psychologically. I have no problem asking far-out things if I really need them. When I need to get to the emergency room, I will ask you to interrupt your day and give me a ride. But to simply ask you for your car for the weekend to see if you will give me some practice in being turned down seems childish, insulting and dangerous to our friendship. I would need to think of some request you will reject and it will be something I don't really need. So, I venture into childish, silly requests. To ask a favor, when I don't mean it, will be to test our relation, even if we just met, for my own purposes. A far-out request will challenge you to go out on a limb for me when I don't even want you to. That is insulting treatment of you, isn't it? When I ask for something and you agree, how will you feel it I say I didn't mean my question? Isn't that a sort of crying wolf?
I am going to stick to asking for what I really want. If you don't want to grant my request, I will just sit with the rejection. I may shrug it off and ask another friend but I don't want to make requesting into any kind of a game I don't really mean.
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