I could tell through high school and later that some boys and young men are attractive to some women just because the guys tend to be rebels, rule-breakers, daredevils. I began reading "Shine On, Bright and Dangerous Object" by Laurie Colwin, a novel about a well-off, upper class young man who died at an early age on his motorcycle, soon after he married. The story is about the young wife left alone but it brings to mind the lure of bad boys.
I wouldn't say I was ever a great lover but I was definitely interested in women. However, when I sensed or saw that someone I was attracted to was drawn to a derring-do kind of guy, I focused elsewhere. I studied the Myer-Briggs personality test and I read about the derivative of it called True Colors. I realize that a large section of humanity enjoys following the rules and looks down on those who don't. I know that society tries to pressure everyone to follow the rules and most of the time, I like to go along with the rules and with proper behavior.
Sometimes, sets of rules are tyrannous or unfair or cruel. Rules like that are meant to be disobeyed while being changed. But playing "chicken" in a drag race or Russian roulette with a loaded revolver, doing things for the bare thrill has never appealed to me. Whether it is a gift or a curse, I have never felt a need to get close to death unnecessarily. I don't think I would be thrilled that a bullet just missed. My imagination makes clear the great likelihood that another shot won't miss. I don't think I would prove much to myself, or a girl I wanted to impress, by jumping my motorcycle over a canyon.
I am often impatient to get there but trying to bury the needle of a speedometer doesn't draw me. You bury the needle at 180 and tell me what it was like. Try not to get mangled or mangle anyone else.
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