As I read about other times and places, I learn about atrocities committed against individuals and groups. I am happy not to have experienced such things but I feel as though I can imagine, to some extent, how I would feel about some terrible cruelty toward me or my loved ones. I think we normally think of hatred as being directed only toward other humans but I imagine a type of animal or plant might be hated if it were the cause of severe difficulty.
Reading "Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart", I began to grasp how many different ways people try to guard themselves against pain and disappointment. When given a chance, a person can sometimes lessen the pain by observing themselves fearing something or disliking someone. I just read of a woman who began meditation but had severe difficulty focusing on her breath, which is often suggested as a place to focus the mind. She found that she needed to know if she was breathing properly and "doing it right". As she and her teacher explored what was going on with her mind and body, she began to see that she had a very strong habit of looking for the RIGHT way of doing everything. The author of "Going to Pieces" shows that a similar over-dedication to, and habit of, being a certain way is common to many of our mental difficulties. He says that a deeply committed grip on a given position or method blocks many valuable human experiences from those seeking them. At times, people are so tightly into a given path or procedure, they are unaware of the actual feelings they have about themselves, their lives and life. They grip something so tightly, they manage to choke off their emotions.
That message sent me back to "Emotional Awareness" by the Dalai Lama and Paul Eckman, PhD. I began that book but found other things with a higher priority. I was reminded of it by the Going to Pieces book and by an interview with the Dalai Lama recently published in Time. He has had a tough time being the spiritual head of Tibetan Buddhism while the Chinese try to stamp out the religion and one of the questions was about how he manages to function without hatred. Somewhere, I read a story of a monk who was imprisoned and tortured by the Chinese for 33 years but is now free. The Dalai Lama met with him and at one point, asked him what he most feared during his ordeal. The man replied he feared he might be lose compassion for his torturers.
Whether it is allowing oneself to find other goals than the RIGHT way or observing one's upset, pain, fury and fear from being intentionally hurt in multiple ways, calmly watching one's thoughts and emotions can open the door to balance and joy.
