Watching inside

As I have written, I like to search out writers who know both Western psychology and Eastern meditative practices.  One such is Mark Epstein, MD, a psychiatrist, who wrote Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart and several other books.  I will definitely look at some of the others, based on the value of reading Going to Pieces.  

I have found that when I first begin meditating, it pays to explore my body for tension.  I often seem to have tense facial muscles or shoulders.  This is sometimes called "storing tension" there and sometimes such psychological sources of muscle tension are called "guarding".  The reference is to tensing to avoid penetration into the body by a blow.  If a soccer ball hits me in the belly, relaxed muscles will allow the force to penetrate deep into my gut but not if my 6-pack of abdominal muscles are tensed.  Why not keep muscles tense all over all the time?  Then, I would be protected, wouldn't I?  

No, my muscles are not built to sustain tension indefinitely.  Trying to do so lowers circulation, induces fatigue and no doubt, helps several other negatives.  But modern life has difficulties and worries that are not sporadic, such as being chased by a tiger.  Many difficulties such as worries about the future can cause muscular reaction that seems to go on and on.  

As a child, Dr. Epstein had a stammer at times, especially when introducing himself or saying his own name.  A therapist taught him to lightly stamp his foot or touch the table in front of him to distract his tension-producing mechanism and that strategy allowed him to speak without the anticipatory tension.  Much of his adult practice has centered on situations where performance anxiety or inner predictions of possible pain or disappointment has caused patients to tense up and interfere with their own lives.  Such holding tense or holding back can severely limit one's sex life or ability to give and receive love.

The strategy is nearly identical to some used in The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey.  I watched him on tv as he worked with a player who had trouble returning a ball hit to her.  Gallwey refers to Self 1 (the conscious, babbly self that thinks explicitly and assumes it is charge) and Self 2 (the one that guides us downstairs when we are distracted or allows to us to cross busy streets without getting hitting in the complicated traffic patterns).  Like Epstein's therapist, Gallwey gave the tennis player a strategy to distract the busybody worrywart Self 1.  He said that she needed to shout out " Bounce " exactly as the ball struck the court and then  "Hit" when she hit it.  The improvement in her ability was immediate and strong.

The best strategy for dealing with more subtle and persistent worries is often observation.  Sitting still and focused on watching one's thoughts can allow a person a little space between the immediate worry and the person who is taking a step back and watching.  That little space can permit a bit of distancing, a bit of self-compassion for the frightened and burdened person who is trying to deal with life.  Sometimes, one evens gets a chuckle when one sees his mind at it again, producing the same images, fearing the same shadows.