Getting more selective

A friend said that being over 70 means

• there are clearly declining numbers of days left before death

• there are far more things left to learn and experience than there is time for

• therefore, greater discretion is now required about what to get involved with and what to skip

In particular, if you aren't that interested in reading "The Count of Monte Cristo", learning to weld or making another chocolate soufflé, find other things to do.

It is the same old story, the one where the ex-smoker, still hankering after a cig, says,"If I knew I was going to die today, I would smoke."  The very last day may well arrive without identification so it could be over before you know that your deepest pleasures should be indulged right away.  Well, at least those that are still possible.  You can't get your first job or go on your first date.  If your parents or grandparents are gone, you can't have a conversation with them.

On that last day or the day before, you may not be interested in learning Latin or doing your calculus homework.  When you did learn Latin and calculate those derivatives, it was probably done because you were working for something for the future.  Getting the work done was progress toward a degree and a job and a family of your own.  But at some point, you have reached many of the goals you aimed for.  Your energy may be lower now besides the fact that between many accomplishments and a refined sense of what you still want to do and want you don't, what remains may well be pleasure.

I don't buy the idea that nothing earthly remains after my last day of life since I am confident that my atoms, many of my possessions, some of the lessons I taught, some of those I love and maybe other links will carry on.  During many of the days of life, we learn that directly trying to pursue pleasure, whoop it up, stuff ourselves with chocolate and martinis brings only limited pleasure and quickly becomes old.  Maybe some sort of self-sacrifice would be best for the last hours, if I can get out of bed.  I could look for an old lady and help her across the street (whether or not that is where she is headed).  I could babysit for a burdened mom who needs to run to the store, if I am not so wrinkled that I scare her children.  I could just stare out of the window and not be a burden.

It might make sense to begin a little focused practice right now.  I promise to look toward the things that are fun and pleasurable, even if they don't seem that way to others.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Rating books

When I was about 5 years old, my mother took me to the public library and I showed that I could write my name.  Meeting that standard allowed me to get my own library card.  I have been reading steadily since.  When I am not reading, I am lining up books to read when I finish the one I am reading now.

I do like to exercise.  I do my share of housework since we are both retired.  I cook some and I spend time with friends.  But there are so many interesting books that it is a constant source of attraction.

I used to use my Kindle and the Kindle app on my iPad to put comments and highlights from books I enjoyed on a computer that Amazon keeps for the collection of highlights.  Then they changed the system and I began sharing the highlight on Twitter.  Generally, I don't have anything much to say on Twitter except a highlight from a good book.

Then they changed the system again and even though I still select Twitter for my highlight, what goes on says that the comment was posted by the author of the book I am quoting.  That is not strictly true.

I think this all relates to something between Amazon and the organization or company or whatever "Goodreads" is.  It is a service that helps people find books by having others rate them.  I have spent the evening rating many of the books I have purchased from Amazon.  My hand and arm are getting tired from rating.  I have about 3000 books from Amazon and i have no idea how many I have to go.

I use a simplified system.  If I know I liked the book strongly, it gets 5 stars.  If it was good but not quite good, 4 stars.  Otherwise, no rating.  I rarely read a book I don't like.  There are too many good ones waiting to read what isn't doing me any good, any fun or any new and uplifting understanding.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Hooking practice

My friend has just finished "Born with Teeth".  I am so ignorant of Star Trek that I didn't recognize the name "Kate Mulgrew" but when I saw her picture, I recognized her.  I read the description of the book, much of which is about the tension between ambition in the larger world and the pull and tug of motherhood and parenting.  It also says that Mulgrew studied with Stella Adler in New York and was told to find ways to make use of whatever happens in your life to broaden and deepen your knowledge of yourself and your ability to project that on stage.  It doesn't matter whether what happens is happy or sad, what you want or what you don't want, use it, swallow it, digest it, engage with it, etc.

That is just what the Zen masters say about what comes to mind.  When I get enraged, when I get sad, when I get whatever, look at what came and be one with it.  Find its depth and breadth and learn to play with it.

That was the sort of idea I had when I thought about my latest blowup.  There are times when the two people in my marriage get annoyed with each other.  We have a history of not agreeing on the best way to drive and that was the cover story for our latest disagreement.  We had gotten into arguments and shouting over the subject before.

I had never heard of Stella Adler a few days ago when I asked Lynn to try something to test my Zen-ish ability by trying to be intentionally argumentative while I was driving.  She said she would be glad to do that.  I put our deal in the back of my mind until I had driven us about two blocks when she said, "You know, the speed limit here is 25."  I might have been going 27 and I was surprised at her warning.  Then, I remembered!  She was doing what I had asked.  I laughed and she laughed.  We had more laughs on that drive about my driving and her criticisms that we have ever had before.

At this rate, I may have such fun being criticized, I have to ask her for more negative remarks.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Not what I mean

I found the description of the book "Jewish as a Second Language" by Mollie Katz.  Of course, Jewish isn't a language.  The book's subtitle is "How to Worry, How to Interrupt and How to Say the Opposite of What You Mean".  I am basically against worrying and I am pretty good at doing it minimally, partly because I am aware of how poor my record of prediction is.  I have worried in the past, only to discover that I was spending lots of effort worrying about the wrong thing!  Interrupt is a fairly hot topic with me.  I reserve the right to speak when you are silent.  It is not my fault if you "weren't finished".  How about I use the chance to speak while you verbally reload?

I have observed that some smallish groups seem to be able to all speak at the same time and all hear what all the others are saying.  Some groups seem to have a strong practice of not speaking when another is talking.  Some don't.  

But saying the opposite of what you mean is interesting.  If you say "The sky looks umphie today," I may ask what you mean.  You might explain that you accidentally swallowed your gum at that last word when you meant to say "ominous".  Or, you might explain that you don't know of a more common word to describe your take on the sky and "umphie" just seems like a good term for now, while admitting that you have never heard of the term before and are in the dark as to its meaning.  You and I may be present at the birth of one of those cute newborn words or we might find that one or the other of us can say or point to analogs or explanations of umphie.

What I find interesting is the ability we have to say one thing and mean another.  You might say I am a really bad guy and mean that I am interesting and righteous and upright.  You might have had a boyfriend who was really bad and that was really good.

It is not the saying the opposite that I am focused on but the fact that we often know what we mean, whether or not we say words that express what we mean.  We know what we mean but where did we get that desire, the aim to state that particular meaning?  Where do we hold the real meaning while using different terms and constructions and images to convey it?  When we try to express ourselves but don't feel that we succeeded, we must have some way of knowing and remembering what we want to express.  Since we can say the opposite or a toned-down version, we have a way of knowing and holding a meaning but it must not always be in words.   What form is it in, then?

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Plays Help

Our society often idolizes extreme emotional calm.  It can be used to depict high levels of competence and near-indifference to possible failure and real danger.  But we evolved to have emotions and they matter.  If we experience genuine trauma, our mind, brain and body may more or less shut down or go into a hypervigilant state where everything is threatening.    

I just finished reading "The Body Keeps the Score" by van der Kolk, a specialist psychiatrist who has worked for more than 30 years with deeply traumatized people.  The end of his book is about using drama as a therapeutic tool.  He makes it clear that with the right gentle guidance, encouragement and timing, participating in a scene of a play can help a person who has closed off to open up to himself and the world:

In a typical presentation the professional actors might portray a group of kids excluding a newcomer from a lunch table in the cafeteria. As the scene approaches a choice point— for example, the new student responds to their put-downs— the director freezes the action. A member of the class is then invited to replace one of the actors and show how he or she would feel and behave in this situation. These scenarios enable the students to observe day-to-day problems with some emotional distance while experimenting with various solutions: Will they confront the tormenters, talk to a friend, call the homeroom teacher, tell their parents what happened?

van der Kolk MD, Bessel (2014-09-25). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Kindle Locations 6333-6337). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

It is not just youngsters who can benefit:

This can be a life-changing process, as I witnessed in a workshop run by actors trained by Shakespeare & Company at the VA Medical Center in Bath, New York. Larry, a fifty-nine-year-old Vietnam veteran with twenty-seven detox hospitalizations during the previous year, had volunteered to play the role of Brutus in a scene from Julius Caesar. As the rehearsal began, he mumbled and hurried through his lines; he seemed to be terrified of what people were thinking of him.

After a short break and a sip of water, back to work [on his lines]. "Justice— did you receive justice? Did you ever bleed for justice's sake? What does justice mean to you? Struck. Have you ever struck someone? Have you ever been struck? What was it like? What do you wish you had done? Stab. Have you ever stabbed someone? Have you ever felt stabbed in the back? Have you stabbed someone in the back?" At this point Larry bolted from the room.

The next day he returned and we began again— Larry standing there, perspiring, heart racing, having a million associations going through his mind, gradually allowing himself to feel every word and learning to own the lines that he uttered. At the end of the program Larry started his first job in seven years, and he was still working the last I heard, six months later. Learning to experience and tolerate deep emotions is essential for recovery from trauma.

van der Kolk MD, Bessel (2014-09-25). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (Kindle Locations 6440-6457). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Weepy

I got weepy yesterday and I got weepy today.  Both were the result of shows, dramas with actors and actresses and real people showing real emotion.  I am reading serious stuff and I know that there is plenty of pain, hunger, fear and loneliness but there is also joy, good thinking and good appreciations of the blessings of life.

Yesterday, a retired actor, director and professor of drama gave a review of American musicals.  He concentrated on The Music Man.  The entire show and many of its separate songs are on YouTube.  It was more than 10 years between Meredith Wilson's getting the idea for the show and its opening.  Of course, a show has a history and that history contains strong efforts, lucky twists and turns. The background setting in rather conservative small-town Iowa and its story of various ambitions and worries and thrills is one of my favorites.  I always like quiet victories and small triumphs.

We heard about Jerome Robbins who was often especially difficult to work with.  One person said,"He refused to take "yes" for an answer" in that when you did exactly what he asked for, he still wouldn't be satisfied.  He watched a song and dance and pronounced it inadequate, in need of revision, even though "it was quite good and I liked it."  It was revised by writers and choreographers and rehearsed and Robbins was ready to watch the new version.  He did and said he liked the original version better!  Of course, a person could be weepy thinking of the self-restraint needed in such a case to forestall murder.

Today, I heard about a classroom flash mob performance that surprised the teacher yesterday.  My source said the event went something like this one on YouTube.  I have seen a couple of excellent flash performances where the participants suddenly show up some place but this one is my favorite.  Whether you see struggle or hear arresting music, any sort of performance or story can touch your emotions.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

A few good breaths

I thought I had detected a discrepancy between one theorist and another.  In 1972, Dr. Herbert Benson published "The Relaxation Response".  I had found out a little about transcendental meditation and I had read "The Inner Game of Tennis".  Twenty years later, I listened to "The Higher Self" by Deepak Chopra and began a meditation practice.  All sorts of evidence pointed to multiple benefits from meditation, which I took to be sitting upright but relaxed in a chair, focusing on a point somewhere in what I could see and not moving.  I understood that a mind produces thoughts and that mine would do so fairly often.  I understood that when I caught myself thinking and not focusing on my chosen point, I was to terminate the thinking and return to my focus.

I knew that the ancients, especially the ancient Hindus, and later the followers of Buddha, had developed this practice but Joseph Needleman's "Lost Christianity" and other sources had shown me that this sort of concentration and attention-anchoring practice was part of many other traditions, too.  The discrepancy or difference I thought I detected was between working in a psychological way on my ability to be conscious of how I was using my mind and taking Benson's goal of relaxing the body.

When my friend thought that doing any sort of meditation for only a minute would be too short a time to make a difference in mental habits and awareness, I suddenly saw another way of looking at Benson's work and the related work by Charles Stroebel, MD.  My goal in mediation has been to increase my awareness of my thoughts and how I use my attention, where and what I place my attention on.  The usual advice for meditators is not to focus on something they can see but to focus carefully on their breath.  The breath is important in many ways since it is both under our conscious control and also under our unconscious control.  We can hold our breath, we can breathe faster or slower, we can pay very deliberate attention to slowly inhaling and slowly exhaling.

So whether you take Benson's approach of relaxing or the more abbreviated method of Stoebel of just focusing on the breath for 6 seconds, in both cases, you are interrupting the mind's usual preoccupation for what happens next or what happened in the past.  As soon as you try to take a deep, slow conscious breath, you are focusing on right now, on your body as it is right now.  More importantly, you are placing your attention on an aspect of the present and you have to use your conscious ability to do that.

So, yes, you can practice meditation and you will benefit from doing so, in many ways.  So many ways that scientists in several fields are quite surprised at the variety of benefits and their power from developing mindfulness meditation practice.  However, you can make quite a lot of progress by just training yourself to use little chances during the day to put your attention on your breath and body.  If your attention is on your breath long enough to take a slow, deep breath or two,you are increasing your awareness of yourself and your life and its possibilities.  Just take a few good breaths whenever you think of it.  You will benefit.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Sound words

What is a word?  Some definitions start with sound but others say sound and letters right from the start.  I don't know if there are any words used in English that have never been written down but I imagine many words in other languages have never made it into the English alphabet.

When I accidentally mistyped "poof" as "poff", I got interested in sound words.  What letters should I use to depict a trumpet in writing?  A drum roll?  A clarinet?  We used to ask our three year old daughter, "What do cows say?" and she would answer "Moo!"  We never asked her about porcupine sounds or giraffe sounds.  My moment of research showed that cats tend to say very much the same thing in most languages but not dogs.  Dogs vary more by language.

I think it was on the Garrison Keillor show that I first heard what I thought was the "sound man" called the "foley" man.  According to Wikipedia, when sound was first added to movies, there was a need for somebody to figure out ways to approximate sounds.  One of the first people to work on sound production was Jack Foley, in about 1927.  I was just a kid then and I don't remember any of that.

I heard once that fistfight sounds can include somebody punching the thawed body of a turkey to simulate such blows. So, the foley man working in the foley studio works out ways to make a sound that will simulate something in a show.  I once had a sound set, maybe in the 4th grade, that included a piece of sheet metal that could be wiggled for thunder.

I guess movie houses often had a piano player supplying sound during the old silent movies to help get the audience excited during battle scenes and mooney during lovey scenes.  I completely detest the current fashion of supplying a music track right during conversation in important scenes. When this blog is made into a movie, I will only sign a contract if it contains blocks to such an irritating practice.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Just babies

There is nothing cuter than a brand new baby word, just gurgling and wriggling in its crib.  I ran into a new word the other day and got to thinking about new words. The Harvard medical news said that we live in an obesogenic environment.  Isn't that a cute little way to say that many of us get fat from too many chances to eat too much food?  The next week, they used the word "placebome", a combo of placebo and biome.  They mean genetic markers for traits that make a person especially able to benefit from taking a placebo, a sugar or other inert pill that fakes being a powerful medicine of some kind.  Placebos are quite powerful and often account for as much as 40% of the placebo group getting relief or cure.  That drives drug companies crazy.

A while back we listened to Great Courses by both John McWhorter and Ann Curzan, professors of English and both interested in the birth and death of words.  They have made it clear that words come and go.  One example of word change: people who spoke English once pronounced the "ed" ending on verbs separately, as in "walk ed".  Curzan read a letter from the 1700's asking a particular nobleman if he didn't think "walkt" and "talkt" were clear signs of the degradation of the language and society. (Both McWhorter and Curzan have TED talks.)

I suspect that technology meant to improve communication can misfire and create new terms.  I read that "LOL" was entered by the language specialists into the Oxford English dictionary as a new word.  I Googled "new English words" and got this list, parts of which might be X-rated.

We are living in an age of discovery, research, innovation, and scholarship and that means words.  We are living in an age of new communication devices and that means aids and misfiring aids.  When you mix humans and devices, you get errors.  The iPad "Quicktype"supplies whole words as I type.  I type "sup" and it guesses super, supper, supply.  Tapping any of those words can insert the tapped word instantly into the message.  This can lead "falutin" as in "high falutin" being 'flatulent".  Enough of these goofs and something emerges as a new term.

Actual typos can also produce new words, some of which will live on and become part of regular usage.  Words for sounds such "poof" can be typed as "poff", which might be the sound made by your higher class magician as he changes spinach into caviar.  Words for our approximation of the sounds by animals such as "Bow-wow" and "Meow" are good candidates for rich errors.

"Globish" is one name used for English language used in places that have their own separate language but find it handy or useful to adapt or adopt parts of English, which is currently used in aviation and in many parts of the internet.  So, we can expect new terms to creep in from non-English speakers modifying English their way.

It can be difficult to predict what words will grow into maturity and which will expire quickly.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Sharp!

Sharp knives are interesting.  There was a time when warfare and sharp edged weapons were very much entwined subjects.  Now, we can have very destructive warfare with the warriors sitting at monitor screens, so I gather.  Sharp knives are still part of camping and outdoor activities but they are a big deal in our kitchens.

Not long ago, Amazon Local included a deal on ceramic knives.  I had heard that chefs like such knives for their sharpness and I took the deal, which was something like three knives for $40 or so.  Since then, we have used them almost to the exclusion of any metal knives.  Lynn said since we use them so much, why not get a few more than three?  I ordered the attractive Cuisinart set that come in bright colors but I hadn't read carefully.  They had steel edges and I wanted ceramic.  I returned them the same day and ordered three Vancrown ceramic knives.

I wrote a comment on the product that those knives are like Harry Potter's magic wand.  You just point the knife at a big apple and Poof!  It is quartered.

Ceramic knives are said to cut apples and other fruit that turns brown in the air so sharply they don't turn brown or take longer to do so. We haven't noticed a big difference in that way.  Our first set stated they could be washed in the dishwasher without dulling but the second set said to wash them by hand.  I ignored that.  The worst kitchen accident we ever had was Lynn striking a very sharp food processor blade under soap suds with a fingertip. I don't want those ceramic knives involved with anyone's skin.

They are also said to be brittle and could break if dropped.  So far, we haven't dropped any.  Strong pressure sideways on a ceramic blade could probably snap it.

On our trip through the national parks, we were told that primitive people made knives from obsidian which were sharper than our steel knives.  I looked that up this morning and I guess it is true.  Obsidian is a type of volcanic glass but one commenter on a knife forum said that modern ceramic blades are as sharp.

I saw a cooking show once where some candidate chefs had to demonstrate their knife skills.  What I saw was chopping skills, quickly slicing a carrot or a zucchini .  I tend to think the focus of a kitchen is the stove but I guess nearly all cooking involves some utensils and the knife is a main one, along with forks and spoons.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

knowledge and shapes

It can be surprising what people know and what animals do.  Lynn is interested in birds and about a year ago put up a bird feeder. That birdfeeder has now grown into three separate poles, two festooned with several feeders and one more that supports our new bluebird house.  We have some expert and energetic bluebirders in our area and they told us that chickadees and barn swallows might take up residence in the new house before any bluebirds arrive.

Within an hour after it was up, barn swallows were in the house.  How can people know that? How can they know that goldfinches or juncos won't build a nest in the house?  We never see barn swallows but bang!  There they were.  Lynn says that they like to be near water and we aren't near enough to satisfy them.  She must be right, yet again.  Today, the swallows seem to have gone elsewhere and chickadees want to live in the bluebird house.

When you see this shape, do you feel like moving in?

It seems to be the shape that calls certain birds but not all birds.

That got me to thinking about shapes, especially shapes of objects, including shapes that can be recognized as important just by the silhouette.  I am sure there are hundreds of such shapes, not including letters of our alphabet.  

Here are shapes that are important to humans:

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Am I cyclic?

I might be cyclic.  I may have cyclic powers, the sort that bring the same subject to mind every so often.  Just to see what I find I looked for my post on the 19th of April for the last four years.  I wondered if I am always conscious of the same topic on this date.  It might be spring, always a big deal in the northland where we treasure every crocus, every green leaf and every robin.  It might be taxes.  It used to be that March 15 was the US tax day but now it is April 15.  The 19th is pretty far past the deadline and there are genuine penalties for being late.

But I checked.  For 2014, The Last Century and how I am glad to be living now and not 100 years ago.

For 2013, how I am aging and do not have the same drives and goals I had decades ago.  Why would I ?  Much of the stuff I wanted to do has been done, accomplished.

For 2012, the weather and spring and its elusiveness.  Ok, that might be a bit cyclic but understandably and forgive-ably so.

For 2011, what one can learn from observing another's shoes. Not much of a repeating cycle there.

I guess I am not all that cyclic, periodic.  Something of a looser cannon, which is actually what I aim to be in a blog that attempts to examine the themes and interests that come along in my life.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

side trip

One of us likes to have a trip.  It is uplifting and exciting to plan a trip, to pack for a trip, to take off by car or plane, to be somewhere different.  After a while, it is fun to remember that we have a home and we could go there.  Typically, our trip enthusiast side expresses a letdown when we turn around and start home.

Several women friends have pointed out that a woman in her home is in her office, her factory, her site of responsibility, of duties, of vigilance.  How are the food supplies?  How is the laundry and the clean clothes supply?  Whose birthday is coming up?  Have plans been made for a celebration?  For a gift?  What about the kids' music performances and their sports events? Add social and fraternal (sororitorial ??) obligations, planning duties and events and you have quite a whirlwind, designed to interfere with leisure, reading and general freedom.

We have a side trip planned to the small Wisconsin city of Lacrosse.  It is named after a bishop's staff, not the Native American/American sport.  It is the city where Lynn taught as a professor of education and library science after completing her PhD.  Back in 1988, we thought we would give ourselves a break and new surroundings after living in Stevens Point for about a quarter of a century.  Lacrosse is on the Mississippi and is set among beautiful hills and valleys.  It is nearly 4 times the size of Stevens Point.  After living there for a year, I returned full time to the University of Wisconsin in Point and Lynn decided that marriage apart was not satisfying and moved back after a year and a half.

I spent more than half of each week with Lynn in Lacrosse and we got to know the place a bit.  It is fun to revisit a place that was important in our lives and stir up the memories from there.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety

Robots

I heard a presentation yesterday by one of my favorite economists, Prof. Larry Weiser.  He spoke about the conditions of American manufacturing.

We heard that the share of the American gross domestic product (GDP), the value of all goods and services made in the US, that comes from manufacturing has remained basically constant for decades.  However, the number of Americans working in manufacturing has taken a big tumble, mostly because of automation and robots.  We learned that American workers are roughly 6 times as productive as Chinese workers, again because of the methods, automation, computerization and robots.

I asked if we could get robots that can run our government.  The others present hooted and made remarks about the idea.

Maybe you know that some thinkers worry about the advances in robotics that seem to imply that most, if not all, jobs, will be done better by robots in the future.

The Automatic Detective by A. Lee Martinez is a story about a futuristic society that has some of its criminal detection needs performed by robots.

Isaac Asimov's book I, Robot, begins with the story of a robot who cares for a small child and clearly does a better job than the child's actual mother.

You may know that Stephen Hawking, one of the world's leading astronomers, recently stated that he was worried about the future of humankind with artificial intelligence developing greater and greater abilities.  Many thinkers, novelists and writers have pictured a crisis where robots war against humans but it seems to me that humans may find that they benefit more from robots than are harmed by them.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety