We watched "On a Clear Day". The middle-aged hero and his friends in a British working-class group face a crisis of identity and meaning in their lives as their ship-building jobs come to an end. Searching for an acceptable job is humiliating and embarrassing. They are too old and too experienced not to feel that somehow they "should" have more security, more honor, more ease, more respect than it seems they do. Having more money would be welcomed but that is not the root of their problem.
They are tough and can withstand difficulties. Why are they tough? Because they are men, bred to be able to withstand pain and fear and to march into battle. The same old trouble, however, faces them as has faced many other men today: physical toughness is not a good tool for working their situation. As I watched the hero struggle to find self-assurance and dignity that he could accept, I thought that what he needed was improved conversational skills and improved self knowledge. I am confident that if I had a pint with him and advised him to learn to communicate with his wife and children in a different, more open and more complete manner, he would sneer and advise me to buzz off.
That's the trouble with being invulnerable. Protective armor can be a prison. Life has multiple aspects and only some of them demand the sort of disconnected toughness that allows the mind and body to proceed against human enemies. Different sorts of challenges arise for us all. That is why some of the more complex and complete pictures of male development include poetry, ballroom dancing and calligraphy. That is why a genuine "gentleman" knows and appreciates art and music. Bulging muscles are great for fighting, an area where one can not only defend himself and loved ones but also look attractive to potential mates. But the death of one's child or finding that one has a serious disease call for self understanding and actual self compassion. The "softer" and "quieter" problems of life are much more numerous in a civilized society and are better faced with good spoken words from the heart.
