Improving my optimistic balance

I have learned to keep an eye on myself, on what I am doing and was doing recently, on what I think and what I feel.  One of my first lessons in changing my habit of looking at the world and others but not staying consciously aware of my own part in my life and perceptions was in playing chess.  I was focusing on my plan of development, what I had done and which pieces I had still to get where I wanted them.  Of course, my opponent was getting his turns between each of mine but the plan of attack and the pieces over there were what I was concentrating on.  Suddenly, he reached across the board, made a move and said, "Check and mate!"  I suddenly remembered - oh, yeah - there is defense to think about, too.  Not being aware of my single-mindedness was not a winning strategy. 

I am interested in feeling good: physically, emotionally, all ways.  My idea is that having a good feeling about myself and my life is not contingent, and cannot be allowed to be dependent upon, my fortunes and that of the city, state, nation and world I am in.  If it is, my good feeling is unlikely to be present very often, what with violence, poverty, aging and sickness all over the place.  When I enter the robbery site with my gun drawn right while the crime is going on, I want to be alert but a little happy, not sad, not dejected.  I think I can clearly see that it is possible to watch over my emotions and my moods and steer them toward happiness. 

I suspect that the first step is the demonstration to myself that I can indeed choose how I feel and what I notice.  Maybe the second step is to accept that "It is He that hath made us and not we ourselves", that I didn't wire myself up.  I didn't intentionally make my mind more alert to danger, negative headlines emphasizing danger, gorgeous women, delicious treats, the comfort of sitting cozily instead of moving and getting outside.  So, a little acceptance is in order.  When I am seized with the occasional negative mood, I try to notice it and sit with it, respectfully and appreciatively.  It has dignity and worth and I thank it for its contribution to my life.  But with attention and respect, the back of my mind gets to work preparing for the mood's exit.

I find that the more I work at staying on a lightly positive course, the more I am able to do more of it.