Rah! Rah! Phooey!

It seems to me that a big strong country like America might be able to select the head of its government with more insight and less hoopla. News organizations use about the same language for elections as they do for football games and boxing matches. When I think of the trials and contradictions the president must face, I feel confident that a "hard-hitter" who can gain yardage is not the leader most needed.  I understand that good speaking ability, not just delivery but sensitivity to timing and audience tone matter, too.  Good thinking and a good memory have got to be important.  I know that intelligence is difficult to gauge and there are different sorts of intelligence.  Yes, physical, emotional and social endurance have to be important, too, for the first lady as well as the president.

But the macho, the thrill, the exciting pulse-pounding contest are distractions and invitations to the very stubbornness and narrowminded rigidity that are in turn complained about.  We could do better with more calmness and less thrill. You would think that clever writers could come up with quieter metaphors.  How about "Vote for our guy because he is a champion gardener"?  Something along the lines of he lets no weeds pass him by and he won't let wasteful projects stay in the budget.  He keeps his projects properly watered, neither drowning nor parching them.

Maybe cooking metaphors, where we picture the great man masterfully combining ingredients and seasonings with just the tantalizing amount of pepper.  Properly constructed, his skill would appeal to men, his facility to women, his seasonings to Hispanics and others usually not satisfied with blandness.  "Our guy will satisfy your appetite for variety while raising issues to the right temperature, not burning, not serving them cold."

You may remember that Cyrano de Bergerac was a man of passion, an excellent writer and poet and the best swordsman in France.  His enemies hire an athletic sword-wield-er to challenge him publicly and demolish his body.  The poor guy is no poet and approaches the Count at the opera.  "Sir, your nose is very...It is very big!"  Our guy is dismayed.  "That's it?  That's your idea of an insult?"  He goes on to list 19 categories of possible metaphor, including ornithological ("I see you love the little birdies and provide them with a perch.")  Let's get off the gridiron and into the parlors, the gardens, the labs, the classrooms, the concerts.  With a little effort, we could be both more civilized and more colorful.

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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety