Yes, I want to be alive to my life. Yes, I want to appreciate the good woman I live with, the wonderful daughter, grandkids and their partners and kids. They are great, they are fine and they are fun.
I have been told to know myself. But I have also been told that much of me is not available to my conscious mind. I try to know parts of myself that I can but I am aging and deteriorating and shriking and disappearing. So, I grab what I can of my disappearing self but the whole task is difficult and a little boring. I am taking it easy. I want to be aware of my blessings as well as my hungers and lusts and desires. Up to a point - I don't want a 65 inch flat screen tv and I hope I don't get one.
Lynn got a new kiln recently. It costs a good bit and it is far more sophisticated than the old one. But it is surprising how much trouble the packing material causes. There is a good deal of cardboard to cram into the trash bin, which I am hoping will be successfully emptied tomorrow. She needed a new kiln and it came quickly. I am aware of how much it means to her to be able to create pottery and ceramic dishes and mugs. It has been a bother for both of us to choose a model, order it, pay for it, have it delivered, install it, learn to use it, and actually fire her creations.
It is easy to look down our noses at desires and plans but we still have hungry minds, ambitions, ego and hopes. Whether it is a kiln, a talk before an audience of elders, a blog post or a new book, we are aware that we are transient beings, not too much longer for this world. Despite our awareness of our limits, our futures, our pasts, our joys, we merrily persist with our plans and projects.
