From Richard Evan's "Toward the Light" Volume 21 Issue 33. (Reprinted with permission from the North Carolina coast)
HURRICANE PREPARATION
author unknown (adapted)
"Huh?" you say, "has he lost his mind—this isn't yet hurricane season!" True. But now we can look at what a major storm might mean to us with a cool head and a sharp eye. In about another month we'll turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
If you're new to our area, you're probably wondering what we do to prepare for the possibility we could be hit by "the big one." Based on insurance industry experiences, we recommend you follow a simple three-step preparedness plan:
(1) Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family at least three days.
(2) Put these supplies into your car.
(3) Drive to California and remain there until Halloween.
Homeowner's Insurance: You must have hurricane insurance which is easy to get as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built.
(2) It is located in Wisconsin.
You, however, don't live in a safe place so your insurance company will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation plan. To determine if you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license. If your address is anywhere on the U.S. southeastern seaboard, you live in a low-lying area. The purpose of an evacuation plan is to avoid being trapped in your home during a hurricane. With a plan you will not be trapped in your home but in your car along with all the tens of thousands of other people with the same evacuation plan. If you decide not to evacuate, do not buy emergency supplies right away. Wait until the last minute to rush out to the food store to get bottled water and
(1) 23 flashlights and at least $167 worth of batteries which, when the lights go off will be found to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
(2) Bleach. Nobody knows what the bleach is for but it's tradition—so get some.
(3) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course, you could stay put and watch the TV weathermen (if you had a generator to run the TV) who will all be out in the wind and rain next to the ocean advising everyone to "stay away from the ocean."
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A slightly longer and different version can be found here:
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
