I read years ago that when two researchers were constructing a scale trying to measure shock and stress, they used the death of a longtime spouse as the strong hit many people take. When Lynn went away to tend to her brother, I was surprised at how disoriented I felt, despite knowing about the researchers. This time, I was better prepared.
I realize that the timing for a day of flying from a branch airport involves getting up early and disrupting the normal schedule of a day. Being tired all by itself can do funny things to a person, especially if the person has gotten on in years. I have stayed aware of all my feelings and confusions this time and it is going more smoothly. Also, I am gaining respect for my ability to see into myself.
I have gotten some good from Prof. Lisa Feldman Barrett of Cornell University. She has a book "How Emotions Are Made" and a TED talk on the same subject. It may sound odd but she says that our emotions are predictions made by our brain as to how we feel and accept things. She writes:
Let's unpack an example. Suppose that you are in an airport waiting for your close friend to arrive for a visit, her
first one in a long time. As you stare at the exit gates and await her imminent arrival, your brain is busily issuing
thousands of predictions based on your concepts, in milliseconds, all outside of your awareness. After all, there
are a host of different emotions you might experience in such a situation. You could experience the happiness of
seeing your friend, the anticipation that she's about to appear, the fear that she won't arrive, or worry that you
might no longer have anything in common. You could also have a non-emotional experience, like the exhaustion
of your long drive to the airport, or the perception of tightness in your chest as a symptom that you're coming
down with a cold.
Somewhere, Prof. Barrett makes clear that the social group and culture we learn affects us, too. I feel learning that has helped me modify my emotions into feelings that I want.
