An interesting piece in a British Psychological Society posting says that a different view of ourselves is possible when we speak of ourselves in the third person. It resonated a bit with me since that distance provided by thinking of myself more or less externally, much as I do when I speak about myself in the third person ("Bill Kirby was seen…" or "Bill Kirby thinks he") is just the sort of objectivity that has been allowing me a different view of myself.
It may be normal conscience, or striving to be outstanding or good or perfect. It may be guilt or awareness of failure to meet goals. Whatever it is, I seem to have a tendency to dismiss my own accomplishments. It does seem that the older I get, the more I can compare my feelings of achievement or failure of achievement with how I would feel about a similar record of some other person than me. Over perhaps the last year or so, I have gotten into feeling more able to see myself as a person of my background, experience, age, gender, etc. I know I can't really see myself fully but as someone I know instead of me. Still, considering a person my age with my past and present, I have been feeling that I am ok. I never had strong feelings that I wasn't, but I didn't have much of a feeling of myself as I appear to others or as a person with my record, strengths, background, nature, etc.
I do know enough about my internalities and my externalities to be able to see that I would be ok company. I gather that men can block off feelings of fear or inadequacy when they want to go into battle or some modern version of battle that is challenging or dangerous . Dissociating from their full emotional selves seems to be a natural tool, but it is nice to be able to be fully in contact with one's total self, too.
