I write to emphasize, mostly to myself, what I am thinking and feeling. Since I read widely, my thoughts are often about something far away in distance or time. In addition, I am slipping into a different demographic group. I have been in youngish retirees. Don't laugh. Plenty of people live into their 90's these days. I know of someone who I am told lives alone and is 105 years old. If you retire at age 65, and you live to 105, you will be retired for 40 years. Now, that is a long time!
Kids today (that's anyone under 70) think that that five or 10 years is a long time. It is, for steadily holding your breath. It isn't, for a career or a marriage. But, I am moving mentally and physically into the group of middle-old instead being new-old. I am trying to focus on not being too surprised or disappointed if I learn abruptly that I have a problem or disfunction that can't be fixed. These days, more can be semi-fixed but only with enormous costs, irritations and disruptions. I am aware and impressed by the article by Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel, an American oncologist aged 67, entitled "I hope to die at 75", that appeared in The Atlantic magazine.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/10/why-i-hope-to-die-at-75/379329/
My wife says often that she needs me and wants me to live. I asked her what inscription should be on my iPad and she said,"Live and be loved." I am, but I am overdue by Emanuel's standard for death. I think living is fun and I am confident that exits cannot be reversed. I was not impressed when my physician mentioned enormous bills to stay alive in some cases but now I can see that a losing battle just keeps on and on. There can be little to gain by breathing, maybe with effort, for an additional six months.
I am not as old as many of my friends and I don't have bad health. I clearly have blessings and luck. I know those things and I am just trying to advance my acceptance of a transformation from one state to the next.
