I am not entering my "last days" but I feel that I can understand some of what they may be like. I had a cousin who was one year older than I was die at the age of 6 from a blood clot to the brain. I realize that blood clots can kill and maim. So, hearing that I have some blood clots in my body gets my attention and that of my wife.
We have friends who have died suddenly, and died recently. So handling matters related to dying at older ages (past 70 years or more) is not foreign topic for us.
Some of our friends and some instances we hear about relate to extensive medical treatments that fail to prolong life or fail to extend life enough to matter, or involve serious deterioration in the quality of life. So, one issue that arises is refusing to accept further medical treatment. Such refusal involves questions of capability and likely amount and quality of life extension. Do I have my wits about me enough to know what I am choosing and what I am refusing? In truth, we don't know the future and we don't know my body. Neither the physicians nor my relatives nor me know exactly what is going on nor what is likely to happen in the coming years. Naturally, one's wife wants continuation of mind and body and one's physicians feel they have seen enough and experienced enough to be capable predictors.
If I go through extensive treatment, how much life extension will I get? A day? A month? A year? We aren't likely to be facing this question seriously at this time but if not this time, maybe next time. So, how much of an extension matters? Besides, in what condition will I be during that extended life?
My priorities matter, of course. Besides the priorities in question are MINE! So, I can feel at the moment that my grandson's wedding is important enough to me that I am willing to skip an appointment with my doctor in order to attend that wedding. My wife or my grandson may feel that is a stupid decision and my presence at the wedding may simply be a downer and a reminder of death and deterioration. I may develop pain or loss of energy that changes my priorities suddenly and unexpectedly.
My purpose in writing a blog is to express the nature and feel of my days and my thoughts. A day can have one character while one's thoughts may roam to a very different subject. I repeat that this day feels quite typical and not predictive of a sudden end. Just thinking and writing at this time.
