Toward The Light
Humor and inspiration published weekly (or whenever the editor feels like it) Fare: $ Priceless
Books by the editor: Life of the Eagle
The Short Happy Life of Davey Monroe
AMERICANS
author unknown
(Editor’s note: This essay was written about 15
years ago. We haven’t changed.)
You may have missed this in the rush of other
news, but there was a report that someone in
Pakistan had actually published an offer of a reward
to anyone who killed an American—any American.
In response, an Australian dentist wrote the
following to let everyone know what an American
is so they would know when they found one.
“An American is English, or French, or Italian,
Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian, or Greek.
An American may also be Canadian, Mexican,
African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Australian,
Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An
American may also be a Cherokee, Osage,
Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache or one of the many other
tribes known as native Americans.
“An American is Christian, or he could be
Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are
more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The
only difference is that in America, they are free to
worship as each of them chooses. An American is
also free to believe in no religion. For that, he will
answer only to God, not to the government, or to
armed thugs claiming to speak for the government
and for God.
“An American is from the most prosperous land
in the history of the world. The root of that
prosperity can be found in the Declaration of
Independence, which recognizes the God-given
right of each man and woman to the pursuit of
happiness.
“An American is generous. Americans have
helped out just about every other nation in the
world in their time of need. When Afghanistan was
overrun by the Soviet army years ago, America
came with arms and supplies to enable the people
to win back their country. As of the morning of
September 11, 2001, America had given more than
any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.
“Americans welcome the best—the best
products, the best books, the best music, the best
food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the
Richard L. Evans, 704 Country Club Court, Morehead City, NC 28557 © copyright 2016 R.L. Evans all rights reserved
“The national symbol of America, The Statue of
Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the
wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the
homeless, tempest-tossed. These, in fact, are the
people who built America. Some of them were
working in the Twin Towers the morning of
September 11, earning a better life for their families.
I’ve been told that the World Trade Center victims
were from at least thirty other countries, cultures
and first languages—including those that aided and
abetted the terrorists.
“So you can try to kill an American if you must.
Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and
Mao, and every blood thirsty tyrant in the history
of the world. But in doing so, you would be just
killing yourself, because Americans are not a
particular people from a particular place. They are
the embodiment of the human spirit and freedom.
Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is
an American.”
Birthdays this week: Hank Williams, Jr. (67),
Stevie Nicks (68), Gladys Knight (72), Henry
Kissinger (93), Louis Gossett, Jr. (80), Carol Baker
(85), Rudy Giuliani (72), Lisa Kudrow (53),
Wynonna Judd (52), Clint Eastwood (86), Brooke
Shields (51), Colin Ferrell (40), Pat Boone (82),
Morgan Freeman (79) and Clint Walker (89).
(Editor’s note: Warning! You might want to stop
reading here.)
Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two
dead raccoons. The attendant said to them, “Sorry,
boys but only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two boll weevils grew up in the South. One went
to Hollywood and became a star. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to
much. He became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak and got
very cold (what else?), They decided to build a fire
in the boat to keep warm. The fire soon burned the
boat to the waterline. Thus proving you can’t have
your kayak and heat it, too.
(Editor’s note: Had enough? I tried to warn you.
Maybe you’ll pay attention next time.)
Toward the Light is published and distributed without charge by the Editor:
Richard Evans, editor and publisher of Toward the Light, has given me permission to include his recent issue here. You can see it in the PDF original format on this web page:
https://sites.google.com/site/kirbyvariety/dissertation-blog-links
