I am greedy. I want more good stuff. I want more moments in which I am very happy and have no worries or disappointments. I am sometimes asked if the service exceeded my expectations. I want more service that exceeds my expectations, even while I want higher, more elaborate, richer expectations. If I think of anything else I want, I'll let you know as soon as I realize I have new, preferably higher, expectations.
Many people have counseled me to shape up. Develop more self-control. Face the fact that there are many, many delicious Danish pastries in this world that I am not going to get a chance to see, much less eat. There are more books than I can read, even if I just look at the really good ones. More good movies, more interesting places, more good music, more flattering clothes. There are more miles than I can bike, roads than I can explore, drinks than I can try.
I have tried suppression, where I tell myself to look away, to think of England, concentrate on the Packers. But even though I do some of that, thoughts of what I am missing still creep in. It is possible that I am not actually made in the image of God but in fact am a deeply flawed creature who is simply wired to want more no matter what. There is a line in the Bible's Old Testament chapter of Ecclesiastes that says "All the rivers run into the sea but the sea is not full." That is what it is like for me: desires, goals, hopes, plans, longings pile up on top of each other for me but when they get satisfied, and sometimes they do, I am still not full.
I wanted spring when it was winter. Now it is spring but I want summer. I wanted rain when it was sunny but I want sun when it rains. When I am hungry, I want food but I want delicious food. When I have eaten, I want dessert, something sweet and wonderful. By that time, I want to have eaten less but by then, it is too late. I want relief from being stuffed.
It seems that I am wired, constructed to want. Sometimes it gets a little boring. That is when I just sit on the side and watch myself wanting endlessly. It is good that after a pause, I can again resume wanting since it seems to fall on me whether or not I try for to want.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
