It is ok not to be bored, scared or confused. For me, the best tools to avoid these states of mind are first of all, just sitting. Focusing on a single object and gently turning away all thoughts for 10 minutes is enough to make it clearer and clearer that any mind state tends to be my abode only with my permission. I might think it is unfair or unloving to step out of boredom or fright since many people, including those I love, might be feeling that way. Maybe I have a duty to feel the same way they do out of companionship.
But I find that I can be just as friendly, just as social or maybe more so when I step away from feeling down. We are still reading "The Body Keeps the Score" by van der Kolk and are on the chapter about EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This odd therapy method involves rapidly moving the eyes diagonally back and forth, which is similar to the REM (rapid eye movement) that we all do in parts of our sleep time. The book "Getting Past Your Past" by the originator of EMDR, Dr. Francine Shapiro, includes many exercises, images and metaphors that can be used to uproot moods, convictions, fears and other state or convictions that hold a person back. Shapiro's book can be downloaded from Amazon for $10.
Whether I am thinking of myself as Christian, or Buddhist or honest or open or suffering, I can use any of those mantles to see myself as ok, noble, strong, wise and flexible while accepting my age, my life, my status, my condition as ok. I don't seem to be as likely to work at staying in a given state as emerging from one I am not tickled with into one I like more. I am trying this eye movement stuff more often and it does seem to be useful. The idea is that my brain is actually working while I sleep to sift memories for things worth keeping and integrating into my brain and mind while discarding those that are not helpful. That sounds like a good thing to be doing and the eye movement process can help me do that whenever I want to. I don't seem to have suffered any traumatic experiences, which tend to be defined as so yucky, frightening or horrifying that they are too overwhelming to be processed in the normal way, by my brain while I sleep.
Katherine Andler's book on Self-Administered EMDR can be downloaded for $1.17 or free if you are in the Kindle Unlimited program.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
