Men show nastiness, grumpiness, hostility for a reason. Sure, we can all try to be warmer and closer, more accepting of each other. If we succeed, it may be easier to live together and to enjoy each other's strengths and ideas. But the negatives are part of the logic of life and at times, lie right in our paths. We can try to sidestep them and we can learn to work around negatives, using different perspectives and tools for uncovering the basis for hostility where possible. But I wonder if we are richer and more integrated if we can not only accept nastiness but give it some of the honor and respect it deserves.
If I find that you really like me, that is easy to accept. I often consider myself wonderfully attractive and congenial. You, being intelligent and observant, see those qualities too and I can totally understand and sympathize with your acceptance of me. But if I learn that you find me difficult company, a little slow, too focused on boring topics, that is not so easy to accept. My impulse, of course, is to try to "correct" your view of me. I want to explain how my habits and views are basically ok or even better. I want to highlight some sterling parts of me that you might not have noticed. I might go so far as to avoid broccoli if I find you disdain broccoli eaters.
If you find me pretty bad company and stay away, I can probably handle that. But I may find that you depend on me for grumpiness. If you have a sweet and friendly nature, you may find it difficult to snarl and belch at the world. I, being male and elderly, have a certificate empowering me to show zero sweetness or friendliness. I can easily find fault with anybody and anything. When I run a little low on negativity, I copy that of a few other guys I know to restore my bearings and reorient myself.
So, keep in mind that me and my kind represent a natural, even genetic treasure. Sure, sweet rolls and candy are nice but the day may come with you need a little anger, disdain or crabbiness. Let me know since I keep a store of such things handy and I can help others see the world through rotten-colored lenses.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
