It is hard to find rules or prescriptions that apply to both sexes at all ages. The sexes and their roles differ and then society often amplifies that difference on top of what may be nature's base. Besides, the needs and perceptions and, of course, experience base at 10, 20 and 30 is quite different and different from 60, 70, 80 years of age. Not that the older years are better or worse, necessarily, just different, with a mixture of different strengths and weaknesses.
Brene Brown is a professor of social work, that occupation invented after the beginning of psychoanalytic work by Freud. The National Association of Social Workers has some of the history of the profession explained on its web site. She is well-known for her work on vulnerability and her "Men, Women and Worthiness", an audio work by Sounds True gives some excellent insights in the burdens of women, especially young working mothers, and men, especially young men seeking to establish their masculinity in their own eyes and those of others.
I was shocked as Brown explained her research and theory about the training men get to become men. A very common statement from women is that their men don't listen to them but instead try to fix their problems, when such fixing is both impossible and unwanted. Carl Rogers said long ago that people grow best when
If I can create a relationship characterized on my part:
by a genuineness and transparency, in which I am my real feelings;
by a warm acceptance of and prizing of the other person as a separate individual;
by a sensitive ability to see his world and himself as he sees them;
Then the other individual in the relationship:
will experience and understand aspects of himself which previously he has repressed;
will find himself becoming better integrated, more able to function effectively;
will become more similar to the person he would like to be;
will be more self-directing and self-confident;
will become more of a person, more unique and more self-expressive;
will be more understanding, more acceptant of others;
will be able to cope with the problems of life more adequately and more comfortably.
I believe that this statement holds whether I am speaking of my relationship with a client, with a group of students or staff members, with my family or children. It seems to me that we have here a general hypothesis which offers exciting possibilities for the development of creative, adaptive, autonomous persons.
Rogers, Carl R. (2011-07-20). On Becoming a Person (pp. 37-38). Constable Robinson. Kindle Edition.
But Brown found that boys and men are frequently told "I don't care about your FEELINGS, fix the problem (or behavior or deviation from orders or requirements." It is little wonder that nature, men's picture of themselves and masculinity, and statements by parents, teachers, coaches, bosses and drill sergeants can produce a distaste for their own feelings in men, and a strong desire to be invulnerable robots bent on fixing any and all problems.
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Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
