It isn't easy for me to remember to take a half step away from my reaction. It seems as though "the day is dreary" or "the book is great" when actually I, me, myself, I find the day dreary or the book great. At least, I did a moment ago.
This is not emotion suppression. It is a sort of emotion observation and maybe emotion appreciation. The dreariness is in me, not the day, and the greatness is my conclusion, my feeling, based on my experience. That is why the guy who just got a raise finds the day so great and the reviewer with a different background completely disagrees that the book is even good, much less great.
Many times in my life, I have noticed that I have a tendency to forget about myself. In wrestling, I was planning what I was going to do to my opponent and forgot that he was planning, too. In chess, I was just about to make a super move when my opponent checkmated me. I count the attendance in a meeting and forget to count me, too.
Sometimes, I open up a little and I see that I am the one who feels the play is terrible but when I recall my reaction, the feeling comes over me in such strength that I forget it comes from me. I quickly think of evidence, instances that made me just KNOW the play was poor. The play! Not me. I came in a good spirit, paid good money for the ticket and did so in good faith and then: the lines, the lighting, the timing, the script!! With a little trouble and a little organization, I could assemble a convincing dossier about the play. I could prove to the satisfaction of any reasonable judge or any prudent jury that my reaction was totally RIGHT, dammit!
It is a big help that my reaction passes or dampens down so quickly. Usually, it reminds me of loading a web page into my browser. Once in, that is the page. But click on the "reload the page" curved arrow and the latest version pops in. A later version, after my slower but broader thinking module has a chance, I don't feel quite so strongly. Just a few minutes and the really bads and the really goods are quieter and not as extreme.
This is not emotion suppression. It is a sort of emotion observation and maybe emotion appreciation. The dreariness is in me, not the day, and the greatness is my conclusion, my feeling, based on my experience. That is why the guy who just got a raise finds the day so great and the reviewer with a different background completely disagrees that the book is even good, much less great.
Many times in my life, I have noticed that I have a tendency to forget about myself. In wrestling, I was planning what I was going to do to my opponent and forgot that he was planning, too. In chess, I was just about to make a super move when my opponent checkmated me. I count the attendance in a meeting and forget to count me, too.
Sometimes, I open up a little and I see that I am the one who feels the play is terrible but when I recall my reaction, the feeling comes over me in such strength that I forget it comes from me. I quickly think of evidence, instances that made me just KNOW the play was poor. The play! Not me. I came in a good spirit, paid good money for the ticket and did so in good faith and then: the lines, the lighting, the timing, the script!! With a little trouble and a little organization, I could assemble a convincing dossier about the play. I could prove to the satisfaction of any reasonable judge or any prudent jury that my reaction was totally RIGHT, dammit!
It is a big help that my reaction passes or dampens down so quickly. Usually, it reminds me of loading a web page into my browser. Once in, that is the page. But click on the "reload the page" curved arrow and the latest version pops in. A later version, after my slower but broader thinking module has a chance, I don't feel quite so strongly. Just a few minutes and the really bads and the really goods are quieter and not as extreme.
--
Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety
