What is proper?
What is expected?
What are good manners?
What are better-than-usual manners?
I thought it might have been in The World's Religions by the excellent Huston Smith but I can't find it. Somewhere, he, or someone I read, was talking about attending various religious services around the world. In some, it is only polite to remove your shoes. Entering while shod is not allowed and is very much a violation of the rules. But in others, it is definitely irregular and frowned upon to attend the service without shoes on.
In some, it is only polite to be bare-headed while in others, you must not be bare-headed.
With the world intermixing everywhere at greater speed, it is not that easy to know what is polite, what might show an extra measure of good breeding and respect and what might be insulting or crude. Here is a whole page of works that Amazon offers to try to clue in the visitor to various countries.
When I was a youngster, it was not only impolite to wear a hat in class, it was forbidden and punishable. Now, it is common in some classes but still forbidden in others. I have sometimes seen men diners eating with hats on, including western hats with enormous brims. I see people at the table in a physically animated conversation on their cellphone while their companions fidget and children squirm.
I am often negatively impressed when I am talking to a salesperson at a desk and their phone rings and they answer the call instead of finishing with me first. I admit that I can't cite a respected manners book or expert that says whoever was the earlier customer should get full attention until their matter is settled. There are many alternative practices that might be deemed appropriate. Come to think of it, I can't cite a respected manners book or expert. I am confident there are none for many of my fellow citizens, especially those raised with different or no rules. It seems there a widespread conviction today, fostered by action movies and teen flics, that manners and demonstrations of respect are pitiful, overly meek and weak, and totally out-of-date.
I will join untold millions in the previous thousands of years and say it: It's not like when I was a kid!
