Hungry searching: unfulfilled desires

I just finished A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.  I enjoyed his reading of his book very much.  It seems clear that he is a self-aware person and quite articulate.  The book strikes me as a story and statement by a young man.  He does not seem especially interested in philosophy or the history of philosophy.  I can understand that.  Most of the great statements of philosophy that I have seen have done little for me.  But he does seem unaware that many of puzzles he wants solved are similar to what many minds in many ages have struggled with.  Some of his statements seem to be an invitation for him to digest Buddhist thinking or American Buddhist thinking.

I have also finished "Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart" by Mark Epstein, MD, an American psychotherapist who applies Buddhist thinking and concepts to his life and his professional practice.  I enjoyed the book enough that I rank it up with "The Warm Heart" by Kornfield and "Everyday Zen" by Beck.  Then, I noticed among his other books, one on what the Buddha taught about desire.

Since I seem to be incapable of having no aims, no goals, no plans, no preferences, I have always felt that either I didn't understand some of the basic Buddhist concepts or that they didn't apply to me and my life in my era and my culture.  Epstein's book, Open to Desire: What the Buddha Taught seemed like just what I could use.  It is and Donald Miller would probably benefit from it, too.  As I have suspected at times, Epstein makes it clear that a better word for the Buddha's teaching is "clinging" but that, too, needs a bit of an explanation.

He tells how as a young man, he and his friends who were trying to apply Buddhist ideas to their life and thought, tried to avoid all desires.  So, when the group wanted to go out to dinner, none of them dared to express a preference for any restaurant.  Doing so would have revealed them to be shallow practitioners of Buddhism.  They all just sat around hungry and ready to go and eat but none was willing to show any preference.  That is ridiculous and not a recipe for confident and satisfying life.

Both Miller, as he matures, and Epstein, as he grows and works with his clients, see that it is easy and common to assume that life will be just peachy if we can just _____________.  Different people fill the blank with different items, a better body or a better mate or a better car or whatever.  Whatever we pin our hopes on, we are soon disappointed.  Either the item is never obtained or it is obtained.  When it is, it soon loses its shine and fails to keep us permanently walking on clouds.  Pining for the next fill-in-the-blank is what the Buddha advised against. 

What to do?  first, nothing.  For at least 10 minutes a day.  Just sit quietly for that much time and shelf the ideas, demands, questions and images that come to mind.  Save them for later (by which time, you will have forgotten many of them.  Not to worry - a new set will emerge.)  Meanwhile, notice how my own mind as well as ads and fads supply me with little whispers about how great it will be to get XXXXXXX.  Be patient with the unending stream of desires and plans.  That stream will continue, regardless of what you do.  However, develop a slightly distanced perspective that assists you in accepting that life is good but it is not all good, every minute, and can't be.