Trying to be more sober

I'm sure my personality enters into selecting topics and writing about them.  I try to be clear-eyed and see what is in front of me.  I work at that and meditation and reading about mental habits have given me a good base for looking at what I am experiencing and how I feel about it.

I can appreciate the miraculous and you and I both are indeed miracles, in the sense of being highly unlikely to be created and sustained as creations for this long.  As I think about my memory and that of others, my ideas and those of others, I see how difficult it is to build or understand beings that can do what we do all the time.

It is not just us: a blade of grass, a natural gas stove, electronic communication across whole continents, a tablet of aspirin - there are many fascinating things in the world.  Just watch a baby holding and moving and caressing a string bean, something that is not all that magic to me.

I often get a real lift and a chuckle from watching little kids, especially those about one year old.  Between trying to be aware of my body, thoughts and feelings, meditating and seeing clearly others of all ages, I do feel that I am in touch with the miraculous all the time.  Add to that, other forms of life, from plants to birds to cats and dogs, and I can really get involved with what's happening.  

But, my appreciator can be set too high.  Without alcohol (which makes me sleepy) or drugs (I don't know which ones to use), I can be inebriated with life, its twists and jokes, ironies, and heroics.  If I am not somewhat careful and restrained, I go around smiling and chuckling nearly all the time.  I look like I am mentally retarded.  My facial muscles get so tired from smiling over and over, they go into spasm and start twitching.  My constant chuckling makes people shy away from me as though I might be dangerous or unstable.

I simply cannot openly appreciate all there is to be impressed by.  Somewhere in the New Testament, Jesus says to let all my communication be only "yea" and "nay".  I always wondered why he didn't at least include some exclamation, like "Wow!"

But as people look away from my endless smiling and laughing, I realize that, like so much else, I have to stay in balance.  Sure, some appreciation of great skin, great voice, great movement, great products, great sensitivity is good.  That appreciation gives life spice and flavor.  But, not too much.  I am already at work on raising the bar.  Unless the kid is especially both cute and also original too, I am not smiling, damn it!  A nice warm smile from a store clerk or fellow shopper is getting a sober, straight-face nod unless there is a good reason to smile back. 
--
Bill
Main blog: Fear, Fun and Filoz
Main web site: Kirbyvariety