Now, what did I do?

My mother died when I was 65.  At that age, I was able to pay attention to the process and the result.  She has now been dead for more than 5 years.  Her death has been an example to me of what death is.

As we age, we approach death.  Of course, the end can come at any time but through wear and tear, it steadily moves nearer in the form of various physical difficulties and limitations, many of which are experienced as new and especially irritating or burdensome.  In addition, our minds tend to lose some of their sharpness, too.  

In particular, many people seem to worry about their memories.  There are several good books around on memory, I am sure, but the only one I have read is "Seven Sins of Memory" by Daniel Schacter, who is, or was, chair of psychology at Harvard.  Schacter discusses such difficulties as the "tip of the tongue" difficulties where you know you know but you can't recall a word, often a name.

But the one that gets my attention is automatic response, also simply referred to as "absentmindedness".  Since older people have many routines they have practiced many times, it becomes more and more likely that they will make coffee or a phone call or a bank deposit without thinking much about what they are doing.  They don't have to think since their body and unconscious mind knows what to do and how to do it.  That sounds economical of energy and thought, and it is.  However, if the execution is too automatic, it is possible that very little memory of making the coffee at all will be present.  Maybe the coffee will be made again, when we don't need or want more just now.  Taking a 2nd dose of medicine because the first was forgotten might be much more serious.  

Currently, my mother seems to be in a form where she remembers nothing and does nothing.  I expect to be in that same form sometime.  But for now, I intend to try to forgive myself when I can't remember if I put the stew in the refrigerator before we left or not.  I will try to pay attention to what I am doing, especially when there has been a change recently.  Having a new bank or a new password or a blocked street being repaired force changes in my routines  that are especially clear and unexpected.