When I see illustrations of male ego in action, I wonder about mine. I think I fully understand that I am valuable and in some ways admirable but quite imperfect. I could list some ways I am less than admirable but the limitations of space and time and you know. However, as I see pictures of people in stadiums and such, surrounded by people watching their every move and liking or disliking them all the while, I wonder if I have experienced some many eyes liking or disliking. When I was a drum sergeant and a high school and college wrestler, I was too busy with other things to really take in fans and anti-fans.
But, in some plays, I could see all those eyes on me. When I was five or six, I was in a short play in a Baptist church. I was playing the part of Jesus but I didn't understand that until well after my performance. I was Bertie, a dude cowboy in Jr. Hi. and in high school, Capt. Queeg, the mentally troubled ship captain in "The Caine Mutiny". I wrote about my eyes-on-me experiences here: https://fearfunandfiloz.blogspot.com/2023/01/my-roles.html
