I should have noticed that my sister and my father were rather calm while I was always panting for the next thing. I don't know where I picked up the habit of being enthusiastic to move on. The match or the game can end and I am ready. Did we win? No? Well, the other team played better, then. Let's get on to the next thing: the party after, the next game, a better practice.
More than ten years ago, I wrote
The situation is best captured by my experience of a bus ride through beautiful French and Italian countryside. I was the leader of the group and responsible for day-to-day upkeep of financial records. The ride provided a chance to get all my records up to date and temporarily relieve my worries about getting behind and failing in my duties. But, the countryside was very beautiful and I would probably not be coming this way again. Much like life, eh? I could see that I might end the day with balanced books but no experience of the views, the one-time chance to see those places, those scenes.
I want it all, and I want it now and I know perfectly well I am not going to get it. I want balanced records, full awareness of the countryside, deep appreciation of the music that is playing but I don't want to miss anything that is being said. I want to know the news and what is going on, but I don't want to bother with ads for products I don't want or can't afford. I have also discovered that what I want is not so great after I get it, but that next thing I want promises to be totally great.
I don't want to read the book. I want to have read the book. When I have digested the whole thing, experienced it all, then I will know who did it, what I think of the ending, whether I liked it or not. I did see "Clicker" with Adam Sandler and I realize that if I always hustle to the end, I will terminate my lovely life prematurely.
I have read that Siddhartha Gautama wanted wisdom and insight into life. He had tried several approaches but sat down under a tree and vowed not to get up until he understood the key to life. He did see how much humans get these notions of wants, and then promise not to be happy unless they are satisfied.
