It is very clear that the first few years of life have a big effect on the rest of it. I have read that dogs have glands between their toes that leave scents that other dogs decode along the ground. I guess in a similar way the fetus inside the mother tends to receive chemicals from her body that more or less prime the growing baby with a sort of preview of the surrounding area that the mother is experiencing. Is it a hostile place? A prosperous and welcoming place?
Then, after being born, the child's mother features mightily in introducing the child to the world, to language, to dealing with anger and loss and joy and love. We listened to Chris Coder, Yavapai Apache tribal archaeologist, discuss prehistoric life in a small band of humans. He emphasized that the band's future depended very much on the young women in the band, those of child-bearing age. Regardless of the number of such women there were, the future generations of the band depended on them. Getting pregnant, bearing the child to term, giving birth and raising the child were all steps in supplying the next generation of band members. Without those young women, "you're done".
Many biologists have noted that a single male can supply the male contribution to the next generation for many women, just like the bull and many cows. With a usual wiring for alertness to physical danger, it is easy for humans to be impressed by the mighty bull and rather overlook the contributions of mothers. This morning, I was thinking of the difference between the little girl at our coffeeshop table and me. Not just me but all the boys and men present. The little girl was three years old and she had already attended Quaker firstday school this morning. In the coffeeshop, there were other children but none quite as young. There were boys playing board games and girls talking.
This little girl watched the other children while her young mother sat beside her and conversed with women at the table. She pivoted and watched the adults talking. All the while, she sat or left her chair and stood quietly by it, again looking at activities at nearby tables.
I am confident that if you employed me to duplicate her performance, I would have failed. I also saw the mother give her daughter attention and words and hugs from time to time, all the while continuing discussion of knitting and other topics with the other women at the table. I don't have it in me to be the little girl as competently as she was, and I don't have it in me to be her mom. I would say there is very, very little chance I will be called on to do that, which is lucky for me and for our little band.
