Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Sex and violence

Trying to be just bad enough to appeal to girls, and I must admit to allow my own tendencies some satisfaction without getting arrested or hurting people, I got to thinking about domestic violence, my experience of my feelings, what I see in shows and books, and what I read in "50 Shades of Grey."  I used to notice that sometimes when my father wrestled with me or my sister, his face would take on a bit of a savage look, lips parted and drawn back a little.  He looked a little tense and as though he had a slight tendency to bite someone.

I have had devilish desires : tickling somebody or poking them lightly.  Sometimes, during playful or romantic scuffles, I find the same expression on my face as I saw on my dad's.

Both as a kid in elementary school and now as a senior citizen, I saw girls sometimes challenge boys to catch them.  If they were caught, they might scream, or wiggle or giggle but they did not effectively resist capture.

From Dr. Eric Berne's discussion of the famous F-word's history

Oddly enough, it is not, as is commonly supposed, an Anglo-Saxon word. It got into English from Scotland in the 1500's and most probably came from an old Dutch or German word, ficken, which means to beat, very much like the Arabic dok, which means to pound like a pestle in a mortar. Thrusting or pounding is one of the most important elements in sexual intercourse, as we shall see. Equally important is what Arabic sexologists call hez, which means an exhilarating, lascivious, free-swinging movement of the female pelvis. It is just because cuff means dok and hez that it has such a thrust and swing. Cuffing is something two people do together, where swerking is a more one-sided word. A very wise girl named Amaryllis once said to me, "I like cuffing, but I don't want a boy who will swerk me just for the glory of it." Balling is something people do together too.*

Berne, Eric (2011-07-13). Sex in Human Loving (Kindle Locations 189-195). Tantor eBooks. Kindle Edition.

I see that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  I have read a few items about domestic violence and it appears to be a complex matter.  But I wonder if part of the problem might not be inadequate sex education.  

It seems to me that sexual passion can transport both men and women into states where pain, common sense and safety are not perceived very accurately, at least for a time.  I wonder if there could be, in schools or churches or the YMCA or YWCA or YMHA or someplace, discussions, lessons, instruction on satisfying one's own passions and one's partner's without damage, physical or psychological.  Looking up the well-known "The Joy of Sex", a book that seemed somewhat able to help along these lines, I see that work has been updated and includes more from typically "women's point of view" and many other related works.  I have no idea of the yearly loss in life, love and health due to loving that needs improving but I bet there is plenty and I bet we could improve.

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