Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Guiding and changing oneself

Believe you can or believe you must.  Or, know that you fully want to, even if you are not totally sure you can.

Get so tired or stressed you don't have anything on your mind, as the work, the heat and the marital stress did for the heroine and hero of the film "The Painted Veil", or days and days of steady walking did for Harold Fry in "The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry", an unforgettable book by Rachel Joyce.

Bandler says that many of his clients who undertake an effort to change do so because they get fed up with having the problem and are really ready to work on changing.

My go-to guy in the realm of psychology, especially counseling psychology, told me about the work of Prochaska, Norcross and DiClemente as explained in their book Changing for Good.  That book surprised me with how much stress it laid on "precontemplation" of change and on "contemplation of change" before any actual steps in eating fewer sweets, more vegetables, exercising more or whatever change is held to be important. The book makes clear that the consideration and preparation for change is as important as actually working on the project.

Listening to Cheri Huber's excellent interview conducted by Tami Simon, I was struck by the part where this very experienced teacher/coach gives examples of her encouragement of those she is working with.  That part of the work was basically repetitions of "you're ok", "you're doing fine", "good", etc.  I was trying to think of an example of how such a repetitious stream of syllables could be very helpful.  I remembered a few times when Lynn described driving in snow that was deep enough that she couldn't tell the road from the fields beside it, all of it being just white, white, white.  She sure would have been happy to have someone above her or on some sort of electronic screen somewhere who could see the roadbed and guide her with such talk: yes, yes, still on the road, you're ok, yes, keep going.

Huber says she likes to take the position of someone who feels "I love you exactly as you are and I will help you be any way you want to be."

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